After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
