i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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