You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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