nut hugger
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
