epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
