Will you blow on my dice?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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