Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
