At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
