id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
