how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
