Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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