So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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