You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
