Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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