Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
