He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
