Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
