apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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