so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What a dumb baby whore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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