I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize