You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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