u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
