a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
