dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
