I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
