Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
