my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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