so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
