i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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