He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
