If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
