so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
