Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
