Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
