too bad you live with your parents still
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
