I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
