So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize