hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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