I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
