If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
