i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
