Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
