She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
