don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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