this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
