I'm so fucking centered right now
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
