mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
