I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
