I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
