you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize