i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
