And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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