I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
