i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
