it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
