i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize