Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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