You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
