You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
