Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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