i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
