if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
