If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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