His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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