Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
