dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
