He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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