im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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