and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
