It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's just like the Real World with babies
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
