I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
