dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
