I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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