saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
