fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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