i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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